Jul 25, 2012

In all this heat...

I am feeling tired.
Yesterday I felt anxious in the morning.
I don't normally carry a lot of stress or anxiety with me,
but my heart felt tight and I was actually feeling short of breath.
Why in the world was I feeling this way?

I still don't really know.  I feel better today.
I'm thinking it may have simply been due to a number of daily life things.

Things are out of place as we are in the middle touch-up painting...

as in, touch up painting that we have yet to finish since we moved in a year and a half ago. Ha.

The garden is providing and I am canning...

We are working so hard to keep things alive, and they are.
But...in this drought, they are struggling...

 Other random things lying around are out of place, simply because they haven't found a home yet...
This ever-changing schedule that comes with our summers is starting to turn from refreshing to draining...
I think we have a couple of doctor appointments coming up but I have no clue when...
In fact, I don't really know much about my calendar at all these days until the events are almost upon me...
I'm pretty sure we're headed to Wichita this weekend...you would think I would know that :)...
We are struggling to get pregnant again...
We are saying good-bye to one roommate and saying hello to another...
Malia's birthday is around the corner...
This little girl is CRAZY....
in a good way of course.  I love her energy and her love for being with people.
But her resilient volume, pace, and courage in climbing are a force to be reckoned with.
I'm trying to keep up.
You know when you turn around and find your 18-month old climbing on top of the island, that she is not like her older, more cautious sisters. :)

In all of this current season's hectic-ness....

Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”
 The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
 it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:21-26

Let me tell you, it is very reassuring to know that my Savior's mercy is fresh and available to me every day.
Knowing my own proneness to self-centeredness, the thought of not having a stable, supernatural supply of forgiveness, energy, and perspective is, frankly, frightening.

In light of these things, I remember that my stress is a gift, meant to allow me to see deeper graces of God.  That can only be good.

A dear friend and mentor said at church on Sunday that at the top of his daily prayer list is
"Lord, help me to see you well."
He is well aware of his own brokenness and his profound need for grace.
I could not agree more and find myself daily crying "Lord, I am weak!  Help me to see you!"
May I remember my weakness
and not rely on my own abilities and intelligence to see life clearly.

His compassions are new every morning.


  1. We'll be in Wichita this weekend as well! I'll be working the Cottage on Saturday if you need to get out and want to stop by to see me. :)

  2. Now that I know so many I love will be in Wichita it makes me want to be there. However I will stay here in KC and finish packing. This post totally blessed my heart. I am just trying to make it through each day until I get moved next week.

  3. I LOVE you dear friend! Your heart, your kids, your chaos. I SO wish I was closer.

  4. A number of years ago I was experiencing a lot of tiredness and anxiousness because of daily routine (staff, friends, family, roommates, unknowns ...). My mom shared the hymn "Jesus! I am resting, resting" with me and it was one that I meditated on often during that time. I hope it might bring you a breath of freshness and rest. Love you guys!